


The Point of No Return

by weeweeniall



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Death, Drabble, Fluff, M/M, One Shot, Sad, really sad, ziall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-21
Updated: 2014-01-21
Packaged: 2018-01-09 14:01:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1146829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weeweeniall/pseuds/weeweeniall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Although the pills had made his body go numb, Zayn could still feel the throbbing pain in his heart.<br/>He knew that Niall didn't love him, and he never will.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Point of No Return

**Author's Note:**

> "A mighty pain to love it is,  
> And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;  
> But of all pains, the greatest pain  
> It is to love, but love in vain."
> 
> ~Abraham Cowley

Zayn sat on the edge of his bed. The light peeking through his curtains like spotlights, illuminating his barren room. the house was completely silent, not a single noise to be heard. even the small tears that raced down his flustered face made no sound as they free feel towards his hand, distorting as they made contact with the surface of his sun kissed skin. Pushing his unwashed hair out of his eyes, he glanced around the small room. Everything looked so perfect. The bed was made, the laundry was folded, and everything was in order. It was such an obvious contrast to what was happening with in the damaged walls of his heart.

Zayn felt as if his own room was mocking him. It was trying to prove that while he suffers, everyone else has endless happiness, and while he slowly withers away in to nothing, life goes on, the memories of him fading away like an old film. He was just a useless spot in the universe. Nothing but a blemish on the surface of the world. Suddenly Zayn felt the overwhelming urge to scream, so that’s what he did. He screamed, and then he screamed some more, until his throat throbbed and his voice was hoarse. He didn’t know why he did it. No one was around to listen. Niall wasn’t home and neither were the rest of the boys. They were currently at a signing. He had weased out of it by faking a fever. while they were living out their dreams, he sat there, slowly drowning and chocking in his depression. It suffocated him, until his face turned red and he struggled to breath.

He felt like a fish, who wasn’t given enough water. It was just enough to survive, but not enough to live. its lungs slowly and painfully drying out as the hot summer days dragged on. It would be better if someone just put the fish out of its misery, instead of letting it suffer in its death, so tragic and drawn out. So that’s what Zayn was going to do. He was going to kill the fish. No one would care anyway, Niall was always out with  _her_. Niall loved  _her_  and only  _her_. Because she was his one and only. He never had time for his best friend anymore. But maybe that was the problem. Zayn  would always just be his friend. Maybe Zayn wanted more than that. Maybe that’s all he has ever wanted.

He glanced at the digital clock as 4:30 danced a crossed the screen in a red LED haze. Zayn quietly cursed under his breath, he needed to get a move on it, the boys would be home soon. He searched through the room in hopes of finding a pen and paper. once discovered he sat down and began writing. as soon as the ink met the bare surface, he couldn’t stop the words from coming. The last words of a boy that was broken like a promise.

_Boys, I’m sorry. but I just cant live like this anymore. I haven’t eaten in at least a week. my appetite has left me, taking my will to live with it. I feel like I’m being drowned in a clear tub, with all of my loved ones standing around watching me suffer. With the one I love most holding my head underwater. I feel trapped. I feel cornered. I feel like there is no more purpose for me on this Earth. Maybe when I’m gone, I’ll float up into the Universe and become a star. Maybe I will mold into a constellation. And  just maybe I will burn so bright I will be blinding. And for millions of years, my presence will be contained within the night sky. People will praise my beauty, because there is nothing quite like the blaze of a star. There will be more stars like me. Who just didn’t belong on Earth, because their sole purpose was much bigger than their mortal bodies aloud them to achieve. They just couldn’t fulfill their quest while they were trapped within this constraining flesh. Who knows, Maybe I will even Become a sun. Yeah…I would like that very much. But I want to wish you boys good luck. I love you with all my heart. My four best friends. My brothers. and lastly, Niall. I used to dream that you would love me back, The way that I love you. But that dream was shattered along time ago. I hope you are happy with her, and that you guys live a long life. Get married, buy a house, have a family. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy Ni, even if it wasn’t with me. She is really lucky to have a great guy like you. I know no one will mourn, which is more or less a relief. So sweet dreams to me I guess, since no one else will be around to say it._

_-Love Zayn_

He held 14 compact pills in his clammy hands, that were now slick with sweat. The virgin white seemed to admit a soft glow when he looked, like a dying light bulb, almost drained of its life. What irony, seeming as that will soon be him. They were some of Niall’s pain pills for his knee. Zayn hoped they could take his pain away as well. Somehow he knew that Niall wouldn’t mind if he just borrowed some. His hands shook violently as he brought the pile up to his rosy lips. They fell into his mouth and effortlessly glided down his throat. This was It. This was the point of no return.

Zayn’s eyes widened, realizing what he had just done. But he didn’t regret it. He would welcome Death with a warm embrace, like he would greet a long awaited friend. He willed his hands to set the folded note on his bed side table, next to the empty pill bottle. He glanced at it one last time before turning around. the warm bed called to him, whispering sweet nothings in his ear as the idea of lying down became more enticing. He sluggishly made his way to the bed, clad all in white, it’s duvet looking perfectly plush to the now sleepy boy. He stumbled as his limbs became heavy and unresponsive. His mind clouding over like a summers night would before a storm, and he found that he could no longer feel his body. The numbness was pleasant.

He collapsed onto the bed just in time to hear the brass handle of the front door begin to open, and soft voices flood the apartment. But Zayn just smiled as he closed his eyes and feel deeper and deeper into the black hole of his subconscious. And the last image that played a crossed his fading mind was of the beautiful night sky. A black velvet blanket, spotted with spheres of burning fire, light years away. And for the first time in a long time, he was happy. He was finally happy.


End file.
